If you have had boobs at some point in your life, including at this moment, you know what I'm talking about whether you know it or not. Yes, gentlemen. I recognize that they are nice to look at, but it is another thing entirely to have them attached to your front all the time. Men may decide to avert their eyes.
For example, I dare anyone on the Internet to try to eat a crumbly pastry, piece of bread, or, God forbid, one of those crumbly granola bars, you know that it is impossible to keep yourself looking dignified and free of crumbs. It is impossible. The only real preventative measures possible are either sticking your neck out two feet beyond your chest (similar to eating on all fours like a dog) and tucking a super hip-looking napkin in your shirt.
(p.s., I found like 10 different pictures of Drake when I looked up "napkin tucked in shirt." Who knows why.)
Reason number two to resent your ladies is something I call This-Shirt-Almost-Fits syndrome. Symptoms of this unfortunate ailment include finding a shirt that fits beautifully and flatters your figure, except for your boobs. One of the worst situations is with button-up shirts. Since one has to button them up from the bottom, so as to not screw up the order of the buttons, one can't find out about busting-out syndrome until nearing the top of the shirt. I have also had this happen with blazers.
Finally is women's dresses. Unless you have a chest that can fill several large coffee cans, at some point you have encountered a dress that you simply cannot fill out. There is little in this world more embarrassing than having to wear a padded bra or stuff the chest of a prom dress in hopes of filling out a boddess that may have been designed for a Dolly Parton chest.
That's really all. If you got nothing else out of this blog post, just give your chest a stern talking to the next time it decides to act as a crumb shelf. Honestly. Too big when you don't want them, too small when you need them. Who's idea was this, anyway?
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